35 funny police quotes - Wordgag

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

May 30, 2026

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

May 29, 2026

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

May 29, 2026

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

May 28, 2026

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

May 27, 2026

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

May 27, 2026

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

May 27, 2026

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

May 27, 2026

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

May 27, 2026

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

May 26, 2026

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

May 26, 2026

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

May 26, 2026

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

May 25, 2026

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

May 25, 2026

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

May 24, 2026

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

May 24, 2026

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

May 24, 2026

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

May 24, 2026

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

May 24, 2026

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

May 24, 2026

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

May 24, 2026

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

May 24, 2026

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

May 23, 2026

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

May 23, 2026

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

May 23, 2026

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

May 23, 2026

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

May 23, 2026

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

May 22, 2026

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

May 22, 2026

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

May 21, 2026

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

May 21, 2026

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

May 21, 2026

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

May 20, 2026

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

May 20, 2026

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

May 19, 2026