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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Making waves on Facebook:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Going viral on YouTube:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Going viral on Facebook:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Making waves on Slack:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Living the dream of having all the perks of being a stay-at-home mom without the messy diapers and endless tantrums! 😂👶🏼💼#MomGoals"

aspiration, humor, i, irony, kids, lifestyle, mom, no kids, parenting, stay-at-home, stay-at-home mom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, independence, order, sorry, suggestion
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

0

2 months ago

blame, blaming, everyone, everything, hate, humor, person, pick, problems, responsibility, sarcasm, stop
Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, dicaprio, girlfriend, gossip, humor, joke, leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio, next, pregnant, right, woman
You can reach me by butterfly.

0

2 months ago

butterfly, communication, creativity, humor, lighthearted, me, nature, reach, whimsical
I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

0

2 months ago

activity, dance, fun, fun activity, humor, i, interaction, just, Macarena, people, push, social, social interaction
If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

0

2 months ago

company, grow, hiring, humor, job, people, sign, work, workload

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

50 shares on X this month:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

70 shares on X this month:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

70 shares on Slack this month:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Just landed via TikTok:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Just landed via Slack:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Just landed via X:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Trending via Reddit:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

You can reach me by butterfly.

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨