220 funny kids quotes - Wordgag

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

May 28, 2026

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

May 28, 2026

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

May 28, 2026

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

May 28, 2026

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

May 28, 2026

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

May 28, 2026

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

May 28, 2026

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

May 28, 2026

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

May 28, 2026

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

May 28, 2026

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

May 28, 2026

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

May 28, 2026

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

May 28, 2026

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

May 28, 2026

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

May 28, 2026

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

May 27, 2026

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

May 27, 2026

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

May 27, 2026

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

May 27, 2026

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

May 27, 2026

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

May 27, 2026

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

May 27, 2026

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

May 27, 2026

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

May 26, 2026

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

May 26, 2026

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

May 26, 2026

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

May 26, 2026

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

May 26, 2026

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

May 26, 2026

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

May 26, 2026

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

May 26, 2026

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

May 26, 2026

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

May 26, 2026

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

May 26, 2026

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

May 26, 2026

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

May 26, 2026

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

May 25, 2026

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

May 25, 2026

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

May 25, 2026

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

May 25, 2026