I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Commentary:
“Who needs a gentle dive when you can make a splashy entrance like a boss? 💦😎 Watch out for flying conclusions, coming in hot! 🔥 #CannonballMaster”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the unfair world of metabolism… Some folks are out there digesting books while others merely glance at a cookbook and can feel the calories settling in. 📚🍔📖 Guess we’ll just have to rely on our charm and wit to compensate for those extra pounds! 💁‍♂️😂”

  • Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

    Commentary:
    “Salad: the ultimate rejection pile turned healthy masterpiece! 🥗 Who knew that pushing food to the side could result in such leafy goodness? 😄 It’s like art, but with veggies! 🎨 #SaladInnovation”

  • Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

    Commentary:
    “Lord, give me the serenity to accept the endless terms and conditions I blindly agree to, for they are as mysterious as my WiFi connection 🙏📄🚫 #TermsAndConditions #AcceptAndMoveOn”

  • Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic mid-life crisis decision! Who needs a fancy sports car when you can gracefully vault over walls and leap across rooftops, right? 🏃‍♂️💨 Just remember to stretch those creaky joints before attempting any daring stunts! 😅 #MidlifeParkourGoals”

  • “Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

    Commentary:
    🤣💁‍♂️ “Oh Instagram, always pointing fingers instead of looking in the mirror! Nice try, but maybe focus on your own house before asking for renovations elsewhere! 😂🔨”

  • Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

    Commentary:
    🐟🚿 “Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives? Maybe they’re just obsessed with that ‘Eau de Seafood’ fragrance! 🤔😆”