I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

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If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

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No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

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Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

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No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

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I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

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My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

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Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

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Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

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Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).