Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,556

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Trending via Telegram:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Just shared via Messenger:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Going viral on WeChat:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Feeling sun-kissed? More like sun-slapped! 🌞😎

humor, i, inappropriate, inappropriate touch, sun, sunburn, today, touch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

0

2 months ago

ball, date, food, humor, line, meat, pickup, pickup line, pun, spaghetti, want
The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

0

2 months ago

asked, coffee, difference, humor, i, opinion, preference, request, sarcasm
Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

0

1 month ago

90, blue, blue light, car, crazy, driving, enforcement, going, law, law enforcement, light, lights, lol, me, police, red, red light, sarcasm, speeding, stupid, tailgate, top, traffic, while
There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

0

2 months ago

actual, finance, humor, irony, market, movie, stock, stock market, street, wall, wall street, wolf
I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

0

2 months ago

book, dead, death, friendship, humor, me, obitchuary, people, relationships, satire, writing
Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

0

2 months ago

call, came, creativity, dental, dentures, humor, missed, name, opportunity, substitooths, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

19 shares on Discord this month:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

20 shares on X this month:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I’m sick of living through history!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Breaking via Discord:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Making waves on WeChat:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Broadcasted on Slack:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨