Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Making waves on X:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Trending via Instagram:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Seen just now on Facebook:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Shared recently on Threads:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Trending via Threads:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I was dropped as an adult.

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

2 months ago

0

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🌟 "Who needs a stunt double when you've got the adrenaline rush of a nighttime bathroom mission? It's a suspenseful journey filled with unexpected obstacles like rogue furniture and ninja cat attacks! 🚽💫 Just call me the Bathroom Ninja!" 🦸‍♂️ #MidnightAdventure #StuntDoubleNeeded

bathroom, double, humor, i, navigating, need, night, stunt

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, dinner, free, household, humor, lawn, lawn mower, marriage, mower, mowing, multitasking, ready, relationship, tip, while, wife
Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

0

5 months ago

communication, humor, i, inform, leave, making, panty, party, public, relationship, remote-controlled, tired, vibrating, vibrating panty, want, wear
Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

0

2 months ago

app, being, dating, dating app, feeling, feeling insecure, feels, guy, humor, hunt, insecure, job, job hunt, job search, online, online dating, search, self-esteem, ugly, using
I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

0

2 months ago

apology, awkwardness, dating, flirt, humor, i, interaction, roast, sorry, trying
My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, contingency, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunt, me, plan, point, retirement, retirement plan, security, thinking, treasure, treasure hunt, wealth, wishful, wishful thinking
Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

0

4 months ago

excuse, humor, machine, procrastination, raging, resistance

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Threads this month:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

75 shares on Threads this month:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,552

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Seen just now on Discord:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Going bananas on Discord:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Making waves on Discord:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

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