90 funny bathroom quotes - Wordgag

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

May 30, 2026

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

May 30, 2026

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

May 30, 2026

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

May 30, 2026

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

May 29, 2026

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

May 29, 2026

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

May 29, 2026

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

May 29, 2026

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

May 29, 2026

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

May 29, 2026

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

May 29, 2026

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

May 28, 2026

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

May 28, 2026

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

May 28, 2026

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

May 28, 2026

I have to stand in the shower about this.

May 28, 2026

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

May 28, 2026

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

May 28, 2026

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

May 28, 2026

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

May 28, 2026

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

May 28, 2026

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

May 28, 2026

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

May 28, 2026

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

May 28, 2026

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

May 27, 2026

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

May 27, 2026

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

May 27, 2026

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

May 27, 2026

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

May 27, 2026

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

May 27, 2026

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

May 27, 2026

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

May 27, 2026

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

May 26, 2026

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

May 26, 2026

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

May 26, 2026

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

May 26, 2026

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

May 25, 2026

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

May 25, 2026

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

May 25, 2026

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

May 25, 2026