90 funny bathroom quotes - Wordgag

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

May 23, 2026

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

May 23, 2026

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

May 23, 2026

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

May 23, 2026

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

May 23, 2026

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

May 22, 2026

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

May 22, 2026

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

May 22, 2026

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

May 22, 2026

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

May 22, 2026

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

May 22, 2026

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

May 22, 2026

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

May 22, 2026

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

May 22, 2026

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

May 22, 2026

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

May 22, 2026

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

May 21, 2026

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

May 21, 2026

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

May 21, 2026

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

May 21, 2026

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

May 21, 2026

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

May 20, 2026

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

May 20, 2026

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

May 20, 2026

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

May 20, 2026

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

May 20, 2026

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

May 20, 2026

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

May 20, 2026

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

May 20, 2026

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

May 20, 2026

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

May 20, 2026

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

May 19, 2026

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

May 19, 2026

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

May 19, 2026

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

May 19, 2026

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

May 19, 2026

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

May 18, 2026

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

May 18, 2026

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Apr 1, 2026

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Apr 1, 2026