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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Spotted on X:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Freshly posted on X:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Going bananas on WeChat:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Trending via Messenger:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Spotted on Reddit:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Just landed via Reddit:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Just shared via WeChat:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

I need to consult the woods about this.

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I need to consult the woods about this.
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Commentary:
🌳🤔 "When you're stuck on a decision, why not seek some advice from the wise old trees? They've been around for ages and have probably seen it all. Plus, they're great listeners – just make sure you're okay with getting sap as a response. Who knows, the answer might just be written in the leaves!" 🍃✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

63 shares on Threads this month:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,268

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Going viral on X:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Live now on Telegram:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Seen just now on Slack:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Trending via Instagram:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Seen just now on Discord:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

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