299 Funny advice quotes

Funny advice quotes are here to turn life’s “helpful tips” into a comedy show! 😄💡 Whether it’s over-the-top suggestions or the kind of advice you never asked for, these quotes remind us that sometimes the best advice is the one that makes you laugh instead of think. Get ready for wisdom with a side of humor! 😂🗣️📚

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Commentary:
Sounds like the secret recipe for a successful life: less drama, more pajamas! 😴💼✨

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Commentary:
Looks like I could use a GPS with the Force to navigate rush hour! 😂🚦✨

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Commentary:
Guess I'm fluent in the language of thoughtful silence! 🤐😂

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Commentary:
Lucifer finally asking for advice? Next, you'll tell me cats are forming committees. 😈🐈‍⬛📚

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Commentary:
No cake police here—celebrate surviving Monday! 🎂🎉

Advertisement

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Commentary:
Silent but not-so-deadly detective work in progress! 😆🕵️‍♂️💨

Have you tried complaining about it?

Commentary:
Complaining: the original customer service hotline 😂📞

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Commentary:
"Guess I'm on the hunt for a new doctor now! 🍻🚫😂"

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Commentary:
Why pay for therapy when you have the internet? 🌐🤔🧠

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Commentary:
Guess I'll be staying perpetually young at heart, washing my hands like every day is my birthday! 🎂🧼🤣