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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Spotted on WeChat:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Breaking via YouTube:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Going viral on WeChat:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Going viral on Slack:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Using a headshot from 2008 on LinkedIn is like setting up a blind date with someone and showing up 10 years older and 10 pounds heavier 😂🕰️. It's all about managing expectations, right? 🤷‍♂️ #ThrowbackThursday #LinkedInFail"

2008, disappointment, employer, expectations, future, headshot, humor, i, job, job search, LinkedIn, search

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,533

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Spotted on X:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Freshly posted on X:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Going viral on Twitch:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Just landed via Messenger:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Trending via Threads:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Just landed via TikTok:

Dating to marry in a world filled with cheaters, situationships, and hook-up culture.

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