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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Trending via X:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Trending via Facebook:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Seen just now on Slack:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Spotted on Discord:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Freshly posted on Threads:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Live now on Threads:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

2 months ago

0

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like insomnia gatecrashed the sleepover party! 🌙😴 Don't worry, your bed will still be there – lurking in the shadows, patiently waiting for you to surrender to its cozy embrace. Just remember, sleep may be playing hard to get, but it never turns down a persistent pursuer! 😉✨

buddy, i, insomnia, sleep, tonight, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

0

3 weeks ago

beverage, chocolate, comfort, comfort food, craving, diagnosis, extra, food, got, hot, hot chocolate, humor, just, marshmallow
The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, concern, distraction, humor, joke, lion, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, office, productivity, Teams, workplace
I disagree with my politics.

0

2 months ago

disagree, humor, i, irony, opinion, politics
Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

0

2 months ago

crazy, crazy thought, day, dicaprio, first day, future, future girlfriend, girlfriend, kindergarten, leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio, nervous, thought
They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

0

2 months ago

apple, avoidance, away, day, doctor, eat, eating, everyone, food, health, humor, i, interaction, joke, keep, keeps, need, say, social, social interaction
People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

0

2 months ago

always, conversation, debate, hear, humor, just, people, perspective, Satan, saying, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

14 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

97 shares on Slack this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

65 shares on Slack this month:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Meow means woof in cat.

Spotted on X:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Live now on X:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Trending via Facebook:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Making waves on Facebook:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Going bananas on Slack:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Making waves on YouTube:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Shared recently on Threads:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

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