Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Wake me up when I’m rich!

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.