Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Just landed via Instagram:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Live now on Facebook:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Breaking via Threads:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Step aside, commoners! 💰 I am now $6 richer thanks to my elite scratch-off skills! 🤑 Bow down to the scratch-off royalty! 👑😂"

excitement, humor, i, last, lottery, money, night, peasants, scratch-off, win

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

2 months ago

expression, finger, gratitude, humor, i, me, middle, middle finger, sticking, sticking up, support, thank
My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

2 months ago

angel, break, divine, divine intervention, guardian, guardian angel, history, humor, intervention, irony, longest, procrastination, smoking, smoking break, taking
I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

2 months ago

another, anticipation, exciting, exciting year, forward, humor, life, looking, modern, modern life, phone, staring, technology, year
Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

2 months ago

better, communication, humor, left, media, platform, secret, social, social media, things, unsaid, x
I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

6 days ago

commentary, crowd, discover, human, human right, humor, i, international, international law, irony, law, politics, real, right, rights, skepticism, social, social commentary, wait
I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

2 months ago

am, experience, gratitude, humor, i, irony, just, lesson, life, life lesson, need, perspective

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

63 shares on Threads this month:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Going viral on Twitch:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Going viral on Discord:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Just landed via Slack:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Spreading quickly via X:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨