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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

58 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Discord:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Trending via Twitch:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Just shared via Slack:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Just shared via Twitch:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Reported on Snapchat:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Just landed via Twitch:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Just shared via Twitch:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

6 months ago

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

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Commentary:
Ah, the great paradox of life – we learn from our mistakes, yet sometimes wish we had learned without making them in the first place! 🤔💡 It's like saying, "If only I could time-travel and give my past self a heads-up!" 😅🕰️ Embrace the journey of growth and introspection, even if it involves some hilarious hindsight shenanigans! 🌟🤣

growth, humor, i, mind, mistake, reflection, today, wisdom, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

58 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Spotted on Telegram:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Just shared via Threads:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Seen just now on Slack:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Seen just now on Slack:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Just shared via Threads:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

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