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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Live now on Pinterest:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Just shared via WeChat:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Trending via TikTok:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Going viral on WeChat:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Going viral on Snapchat:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

2 months ago

0

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, poor GUY! Maybe his parents took the easy way out when it came to naming him 😄🤷‍♂️ Well, at least he's not named "Sue" like in that Johnny Cash song! #BlameTheParents 😂🙈

guy, humor, jokes, lazy, name, parenting, parents

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, coffee, coffee mug, gift, humor, interpretation, me, mom, much, mug, own, read, sarcasm, self-acceptance, too, trying
I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

0

2 months ago

again, asleep, back, bedroom, cat, chair, crucifix, empty, fall, fear, hate, hisses, holding, humor, i, pet, runs, sleep, superstition
Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

0

2 months ago

after, day, enough, exhaustion, me, me time, neurodivergent, refuse, sleep, survival, time, tired
Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, chef, compliment, compliments, fart, funny situation, humor, i, joke, just, moment, panic, situation, someone, work, workplace
My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

0

2 months ago

age, dining, help, humor, husband, loud, marriage, menu, questions, reading, send, where, whole
I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

0

2 months ago

apology, behavior, bit, bite, hand, humor, i, pet, pet behavior, popcorn, snack, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

87 shares on X this month:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

58 shares on Discord this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Your pronouns should be get/help.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Just landed via TikTok:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Going viral on TikTok:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Shared recently on X:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Making waves on Messenger:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

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