44 funny jokes quotes - Wordgag

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

May 30, 2026

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

May 30, 2026

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

May 29, 2026

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

May 29, 2026

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

May 29, 2026

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

May 28, 2026

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

May 28, 2026

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

May 27, 2026

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

May 27, 2026

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

May 27, 2026

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

May 27, 2026

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

May 26, 2026

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

May 26, 2026

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

May 26, 2026

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

May 26, 2026

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

May 26, 2026

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

May 25, 2026

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

May 24, 2026

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

May 24, 2026

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

May 24, 2026

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

May 24, 2026

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

May 24, 2026

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

May 23, 2026

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

May 23, 2026

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

May 22, 2026

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

May 22, 2026

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

May 22, 2026

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

May 22, 2026

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

May 21, 2026

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

May 21, 2026

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

May 21, 2026

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

May 21, 2026

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

May 21, 2026

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

May 21, 2026

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

May 20, 2026

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

May 20, 2026

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

May 20, 2026

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

May 20, 2026

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

May 20, 2026

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

May 20, 2026