143 funny guy quotes - Wordgag

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

May 23, 2026

Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby Is this guy bothering you?

May 23, 2026

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

May 22, 2026

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

May 22, 2026

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

May 22, 2026

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

May 22, 2026

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

May 22, 2026

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

May 22, 2026

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

May 22, 2026

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

May 22, 2026

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

May 22, 2026

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

May 22, 2026

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

May 22, 2026

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

May 22, 2026

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

May 22, 2026

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

May 21, 2026

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

May 21, 2026

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

May 21, 2026

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

May 21, 2026

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

May 21, 2026

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

May 21, 2026

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

May 21, 2026

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

May 21, 2026

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

May 21, 2026

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

May 20, 2026

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

May 20, 2026

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

May 20, 2026

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

May 20, 2026

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

May 20, 2026

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

May 20, 2026

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

May 20, 2026

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

May 20, 2026

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

May 20, 2026

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

May 20, 2026

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

May 20, 2026

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

May 20, 2026

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

May 20, 2026

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

May 20, 2026

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

May 19, 2026

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

May 19, 2026