105 funny parents quotes - Wordgag

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

May 23, 2026

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

May 23, 2026

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

May 22, 2026

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

May 22, 2026

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

May 22, 2026

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

May 22, 2026

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

May 22, 2026

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

May 22, 2026

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

May 22, 2026

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

May 22, 2026

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

May 22, 2026

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

May 22, 2026

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

May 21, 2026

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

May 21, 2026

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

May 21, 2026

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

May 21, 2026

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

May 21, 2026

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

May 21, 2026

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

May 21, 2026

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

May 21, 2026

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

May 21, 2026

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

May 21, 2026

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

May 21, 2026

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

May 21, 2026

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

May 21, 2026

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

May 20, 2026

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

May 20, 2026

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

May 20, 2026

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

May 20, 2026

Strict parents raise good liars.

May 20, 2026

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

May 20, 2026

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

May 20, 2026

My parents think they know me.

May 20, 2026

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

May 20, 2026

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

May 20, 2026

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

May 19, 2026

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

May 19, 2026

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

May 19, 2026

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

May 19, 2026