Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.
  • Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.
  • I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.
  • Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.
  • Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
  • All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.