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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Going bananas on Telegram:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Live now on X:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Just shared via WeChat:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Just shared via TikTok:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Spotted on Threads:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text celebrating bacon with a playful patriotic twist.

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Commentary:
Looks like bacon isn't the only thing getting crispy here! 🇺🇸🥓😄

America, bacon, food, humor, offended, offense, patriotism, states, united, United States

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57 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

75 shares on Discord this month:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

63 shares on Slack this month:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Making waves on TikTok:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Freshly posted on Threads:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Spreading quickly via X:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Broadcasted on X:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Making waves on TikTok:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨