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"Being an optimist is tough… it's like trying to spread glitter in a world full of skeptics 😅✨ Keep shining bright, annoyingly optimistic soul! 😜 #TheStruggleIsReal"

annoying, humor, i, irony, optimist, personality, positivity, self-awareness, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

1 month ago
Funny, head, health, hear, humor, joke, mental, mental health, personality, should, think, voice, voices
A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

4 months ago
acting, age, bad, behavior, fun, humor, little, never, playfulness, spent, thing, time, youthfulness
Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

1 month ago
able, avoidance, humor, maybe, Monday, procrastination, sit, still, stillness, us, weekend, work
Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

4 months ago
home, humor, interaction, media, online, online interaction, sarcasm, social, social media, someone, Twitter, unhappy, unhappy home, welcome
Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

2 months ago
cream, dad, family, guilt, honesty, humor, i, ice, ice cream, kids, me, parenting, rest, snack
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

1 month ago
cooky, diet, diet pill, eat, eating, food, help, humor, i, loss, nervous, pill, push, push down, stick, struggle, throat, weight, weight loss

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

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Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Going viral on Instagram:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Live now on WhatsApp:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Is this art or trash?

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I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

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I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

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