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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Going viral on WeChat:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Just landed via Instagram:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Breaking via WeChat:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Breaking via Instagram:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Spotted on X:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Playful quote about confidence and humor, highlighting a witty attitude and self-assured vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs an invisibility cloak when you've got awesomeness to conceal? 😎💫 Don't worry, I'm just sparing you from being blinded by my shine! ✨ #HumbleBrag"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

26 shares on Instagram this month:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

56 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,776

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Freshly posted on X:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Just landed via Slack:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Spotted on Threads:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Just shared via X:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Just landed via Twitch:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m tired of things costing money.

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