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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Just landed via Threads:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Breaking via TikTok:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Spotted on Messenger:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Live now on TikTok:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, my life is too chaotic to follow instructions. Even my planner doesn't listen to me 😂🤷‍♂️ #RebelWithoutACause"

attitude, humor, i, independence, order, sorry, suggestion

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, boss, going, home, honesty, humor, i, joke, miscommunication, prank, say, told, workplace
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

0

2 months ago

asleep, fall, freak, humor, i, me, mean, people, quick, relax, sleep, thoughts
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, doing, doing stuff, Googling, humor, just, learning, life, life skills, reality, responsibility, skills, stuff
Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

0

2 months ago

boy, breakup, contact, contacts, delete, every, game, gone, hangman, humor, letter, name, names, relationship, revenge, time, upset
There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

0

2 months ago

body, cartoon, comedy, dead, dead body, doo, found, gang, humor, investigation, mystery, never, scooby, Scooby Doo
Back to the Future and chill?

0

2 months ago

back, Back to the Future, chill, culture, date, future, humor, movie, pop, pop culture

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Going viral on Instagram:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Just shared via TikTok:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Just landed via Reddit:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Back to the Future and chill?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨