Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Breaking via X:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Shared recently on WeChat:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Just landed via YouTube:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

Spreading quickly via X:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Going bananas on Slack:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your computer gives you everything except what you asked for 😂🖥️📁

communication, Epstein, exaggeration, file, frustration, humor, lie, need

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, coffee, energy, humor, person, personality, procrastination, sleep
If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

0

2 months ago

advice, bank, bank robbery, code, dangerous, dangerous situation, dress, dress code, example, flip flops, going, humor, preparation, robbery, safety, situation, think, wear
Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

0

2 months ago

deactivation, detox, digital, digital detox, fix, humor, Instagram, life, media, nothing, social, social media
I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

0

2 months ago

failure, family, half, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, sibling, sister
Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, clerk, context, decision, help, here, humor, i, liquor, need, store, yes
Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

0

2 months ago

busier, dating, humor, interest, nobody, rejection, sarcasm, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

25 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Going viral on YouTube:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Going viral on Discord:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Making waves on Twitch:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

Seen just now on Threads:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Just landed via YouTube:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨