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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Making waves on WeChat:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Just landed via Facebook:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Seen just now on Threads:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Trending via Instagram:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Trending via Threads:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Seen just now on Threads:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

2 months ago

0

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew dodging banana peels and blue shells would prepare you for slipping on icy roads and navigating snow-covered streets? 🍌❄️ Drive safely out there, and remember – always blame the slippery road, not your unimpressive drifting skills! 🚗💨"

activity, best, driving, fun, gaming, humor, Kart, Mario, training, turned, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

0

2 months ago

appointment, doctor, early, hour, humor, irony, late, never, should, tell, time, waiting
My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

0

2 months ago

confusion, filled, Googling, history, humor, just, language, me, regular, regular word, right, search, search history, sure, using, using right, word, words
Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

0

2 months ago

apology, band, concert, humor, just, late, me, past, show, sorry, time, yawn
I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

0

5 months ago

after, allowed, animal, animal name, bet, guy, humor, i, name, naming, sperm, sperm whale, things, whale, wordplay
Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

0

2 months ago

40s, aging, chin, humor, life, life stage, self-deprecation, stage, welcome
I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

1

2 months ago

dependency, engine, facts, Google, hope, humor, i, internet, know, knowledge, learning, maybe, never, search, search engine, six, technology, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

69 shares on X this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

49 shares on X this month:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,463

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Spotted on Twitch:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Making waves on YouTube:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Live now on Threads:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Making waves on Threads:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Seen just now on X:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Just shared via Instagram:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

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