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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Live now on Snapchat:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Just shared via Twitch:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Shared recently on X:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Witty quote about men promising everything but rarely following through.
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Commentary:
When "anything" includes doing dishes, men suddenly develop spontaneous selective hearing 😂🙉🍽️

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on YouTube this month:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Trending via Messenger:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Breaking via Reddit:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Trending via Instagram:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Trending via X:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Just shared via WeChat:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Just landed via WeChat:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Trending via Discord:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Live now on Slack:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

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