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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Trending via Telegram:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Making waves on Threads:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Just shared via TikTok:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Trending via Reddit:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Trending via YouTube:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Shared recently on Discord:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Just shared via Reddit:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

0
Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess toothpicks finally got tired of being your daily chew toy! 🪵😂 #ToothpickRevolution

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Slack this month:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

15 shares on Slack this month:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

32 shares on Slack this month:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,310

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Going bananas on Twitch:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Trending via TikTok:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Trending via YouTube:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Spotted on Pinterest:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

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