Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Spotted on Reddit:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Spotted on Slack:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Making waves on Discord:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Just landed via Twitch:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Going viral on X:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Making waves on X:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like these mini skirts come with a built-in 'surprise reveal' feature 🍑😂🙈

ass, clothing, cute, fashion, fun, humor, malfunction, mini, mini skirt, oops, skirt, style, wardrobe, wardrobe malfunction

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, conversation, date, flirting, humor, i, relationship, skills, social, social skills, suck
Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

0

2 months ago

being, castle, every, goldfish, humor, life, live, perspective, simplicity, six, surprise
Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

0

2 months ago

AC, activity, comfort, cooling, front, heat, heatwave, hours, indoor, minutes, outdoor, outside, summer, summer activity, weather
The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

0

2 months ago

dementia, Dre, family, forget, grandfather, humor, irony, memory, watching, worst
I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

0

2 months ago

airflow, childhood, conversation, dad, family, father, home, humor, i, miss, opening, talking, ventilation, Windows
Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, entertainment, humor, life, lifestyle, luxury, observation, party, people, rich, social, social life, videos, watch, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

81 shares on X this month:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

97 shares on X this month:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Just landed via Instagram:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Spreading quickly via X:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Just landed via Snapchat:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Trending via Threads:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Making waves on X:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨