Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

The government even made aliens boring.

Going viral on TikTok:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Making waves on Instagram:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Going bananas on Instagram:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Making waves on Telegram:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Trending via Reddit:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally, some peace and quiet! 🌙😴 #SilentVictory

asleep, child, favorite, favorite moment, humor, moment, parenting, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

0

2 months ago

20, age, bananas, comparison, humor, i, older, saying, stop, tired, youth
Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

0

2 months ago

anything, art, creativity, doing, doing nothing, form, getting, humor, laziness, nothing, relaxation, tired
Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

0

4 months ago

advice, fine, girl, going, going through, humor, pregnancy, pregnant, reassurance, right, situation, through, whatever
Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

0

2 months ago

confusion, favorite, Fliccaroni, food, Googling, humor, i, joke, pasta, real, say, sure, too, types
Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

0

2 months ago

before, change, commentary, humor, idiot, internet, only, people, perspective, social, social commentary, technology, thought, town, wrong
If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

0

3 weeks ago

day, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, joke, leg, leg day, legs, love, mean, put, shoulders, workout, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on WeChat this month:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

96 shares on Slack this month:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Live now on Slack:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Trending via Threads:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Just landed via Slack:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Breaking via Instagram:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Trending via Threads:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Going viral on X:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Just landed via Discord:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨