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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Just shared via WeChat:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Trending via Reddit:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Seen just now on WeChat:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Making waves on Reddit:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Seen just now on X:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Freshly posted on X:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

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My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Kids acting all surprised about ants in my car 🐜🤷‍♂️ Like they didn't just casually drop snack crumbs everywhere like they're marking their territory! Hansel and Gretel would be proud 😂🍞 #CrumbTrailChronicles"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Slack this month:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you relate to me, get some help!

98 shares on X this month:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Just landed via Twitch:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Just shared via Instagram:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Making waves on Telegram:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Shared recently on Discord:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Just landed via Telegram:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Just landed via Instagram:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

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