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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,669

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Making waves on Instagram:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Trending via TikTok:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Making waves on WeChat:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic Christmas shopping dilemma – the struggle between generosity and self-indulgence! It's like a festive tug-of-war between your inner Santa and your inner Scrooge. Who knew that spreading holiday cheer could also involve spreading out your credit card bill? Just remember, giving to yourself is technically a form of self-care, right? Just call it a "Merry Me-mas" shopping spree!

Christmas, consumerism, gift, humor, indulgence, problem, self-gifting, shopping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

82 shares on Facebook this month:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

16 shares on X this month:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A selfie only a mother could like.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Going viral on YouTube:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Trending via Messenger:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Trending via LinkedIn:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Going viral on YouTube:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I remember sex. That was cool.

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