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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,470

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Trending via TikTok:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Making waves on X:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Just shared via X:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Trending via WeChat:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Trending via Slack:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

1 week ago

Witty winter humor about dark evenings and avoiding repetitive complaints.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic battle against the inevitable darkness creeping in early. It's like trying to resist hitting the snooze button on a Monday morning – a challenge that tests our willpower and self-restraint. Let's see who emerges victorious in this epic struggle of seasonal observation!"

activity, challenge, dark, humor, new, rest, time, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Twitch this month:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

68 shares on X this month:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Breaking via Pinterest:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Spotted on Slack:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

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