Commentary:
Behold, the tiny ruler of chaos commands your attention 🤣👶✨
266 Funny new quotes
When you’re in the movie theater, people start inventing new ways to cough.
Commentary:
Sounds like they're competing for an Oscar in "Best Cough Performance" 😂🎬🎭
Pyramid schemes are a great way to make new pals.
Commentary:
Joining a pyramid scheme: making friends one awkward family gathering at a time! 😂💸🤝
The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.
Commentary:
Wasting time like a pro, unlocking new levels of procrastination! ⏳😂
I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've got the grass-roots solution for filling your free time! 🌱😂🌿
Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.
Commentary:
Same old mistakes: the comfort food of life! 🍕😂🔁
Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.
Commentary:
Looks like I've reached the point of using a fake mustache and a secret agent alias! 🕵️♂️✈️😂
They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.
Commentary:
I'm all in for a T-rex taco or a saber-tooth sausage! 🦖🌮😂
Starting a new life today, bye.
Commentary:
Guess I'll just pack up my collection of stress and anxiety for the move! 🚪🏃♀️💼😅
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.
Commentary:
Who knew that "new job immunity" was the latest health trend? Where's my cape and superpowers? 🦸♂️💼😅