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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has copied:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, β€œOh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has viewed:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via WeChat:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Making waves on Facebook:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Seen just now on TikTok:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Breaking via Twitch:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Breaking via TikTok:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Spotted on Reddit:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe we should bring back the 'send annoying people to the sun' policy for some eco-friendly decluttering πŸ˜‚πŸš€ Less pollution on earth, more space in the universe! Time to launch a few rockets – adios, annoying Earthlings! πŸ‘‹πŸŒž"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

12 shares on X this month:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

59 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

An electric car is just another electric chair.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, β€œUgh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!β€œ

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has downloaded:

The Netflix β€œRecommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on TikTok:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Broadcasted on Discord:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Trending via TikTok:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Trending via Twitch:

β€œI’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Just landed via Instagram:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Spotted on TikTok:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

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