Someone from has downloaded:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Someone from has viewed:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from has downloaded:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from has shared:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from has downloaded:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Someone from has shared:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Someone from has viewed:

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Someone from has shared:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Someone from has viewed:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.