Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

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My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

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If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

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I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

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Earth is hard.

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I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

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I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

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Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

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I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

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Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

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What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.