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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,297

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Seen just now on Slack:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Spotted on X:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Just landed via TikTok:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Just landed via Threads:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Going bananas on Messenger:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

2 months ago

0

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, dear! Looks like someone's devices are feeling a bit drained and can't power up those creative ideas! 🤖🔋 Don't worry, we can definitely find some non-battery-operated inspiration to spark your genius instead! ⚡💡 Let's leave those tired devices to recharge while we dive into some electrifying new ventures! 🚀💥

battery, dependency, devices, humor, leave, loneliness, me, own, self-reliance, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

0

2 months ago

anything, better, cancellation, ear, ear protection, earplugs, hear, hearing, humor, i, me, noise, noise cancellation, protection, sarcasm, simply, stubbornness, tell
Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

0

2 months ago

cookie, humor, performance, self-deprecation, tech, tech humor, website
One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

0

2 months ago

animal, great, happiness, humor, joy, life, little, looking, observation, pet, pets, teeth, weird
I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

0

2 months ago

12, break, distraction, goodbye, humor, i, life, media, minutes, next, realization, social, social media, time
(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

0

4 months ago

conversation, ever, every, flirting, humor, question, single, thing, thought
The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

0

2 months ago

humor, ID, insomnia, procrastination, rest, sleep, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on WeChat this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

41 shares on X this month:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,549

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Breaking via Slack:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Trending via YouTube:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Going bananas on Reddit:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Going viral on Discord:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

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