Commentary:
Liking my own texts during an argument: because sometimes, you just have to be your own biggest fan! 😂👍💬
182 Funny own quotes
Every player that takes a stutter-step penalty should be blindfolded and left out in the desert to find their way back on their own.
Commentary:
Sounds like a great way to improve both their penalty skills and their sense of direction! 🏜️⚽🤣
What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.
Commentary:
Looks like we're fishing for compliments, not cash! 🎣💸
For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need to add "mind reader" to my resume… or maybe just "professional forgetter"! 🙃🧠🚶♂️
For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.
Commentary:
Mixed signals? My WiFi has better connection! 😂📡🚫
Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.
Commentary:
Borrowing cigarettes to save for the zombie apocalypse 🧟♂️🚬💼
(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.
Commentary:
Looks like it's BYOMS (Bring Your Own Milkshake) day! 🥤😂
I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.
Commentary:
Why invite anyone else when you can surprise yourself multiple times a day? 🎉🤔🙃
They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.
Commentary:
I can't wait for the bark-mitzvah next! 🎉🐶💥
Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.
Commentary:
Living solo: where dust bunnies fear the birthday suit cleaning crew 🧹😆🏡