Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the audacity of that restless amoeba changing the course of evolution! Now we have to deal with Mondays, the struggle is real 🙄🌊 #BlameTheAmoeba"

absurdity, amoeba, evolution, humor, i, leave, life, little, Monday, ocean, responsibility, stupid, worry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

1 month ago

bed, count, exercise, fitness, getting, humor, laziness, motivation, resistance, should, training
Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

1 month ago

brand, excited, excitement, humor, motivation, new, procrastination, sarcasm, self sabotage, super, week
Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

1 month ago

am, black, black sheep, exactly, family, gold, gold star, humor, i, identity, personality, sheep, star, why
Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

1 month ago

anyone, dating, fall, humor, love, relationship, rent, romance, roommate, want
If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

3 weeks ago

12, 1970s, 1980s, 80s, anything, humor, i, keith, Keith Richards, Marlboro, Marlboros, million, resilience, richards, smoking, survival, survive
Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

3 weeks ago

around, every, frustration, humor, i, Monday, routine, time, turn, weekday

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

65 shares on X this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

83 shares on X this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

42 shares on X this month:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Just shared via Telegram:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Just landed via Threads:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Just landed via WeChat:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Going viral on Reddit:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Trending via WeChat:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Spotted on Slack:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Going viral on X:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨