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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Live now on Instagram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Trending via Slack:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Just landed via Discord:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Spotted on Instagram:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Breaking via Twitch:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

2 months ago

0

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal conflict between seeking peace and courting adventure! 🌊🌙 Living in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory sounds like the perfect mix of tranquility and suspense. Who needs a cozy beach cottage when you can have a haunted mansion by the sea? Ghostly neighbors and mysterious sea monsters included! 👻🏝 #SpookyScenicViews

backstory, coastal, gothic, humor, irony, lifestyle, live, seaside, seaside town, sleepy, spooky, terrifying, town, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

0

2 months ago

enemy, faster, humor, me, observation, rivalry, same, sidewalk, sorry, speed, thinking, walking
At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

0

2 months ago

blorange, celibacy, colors, gurple, humor, i, imagination, know, mantis, mantis shrimp, point, same, sarcasm, shrimp, vivid, vivid imagination
One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

0

2 months ago

age, change, cool, day, hip, humor, life, life stages, nowhere, say, self-awareness, stages, things
Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

0

2 months ago

forget, humor, i, memory, pillow, sleep, want, where
Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, actually, commentary, humor, living, me, movie, politics, satire, think, villain, where, win
Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

0

2 months ago

adults, attention, away, being, child, childhood, children, drama, dramatic, dynamics, everything, family, family dynamics, getting, humor, middle, middle child, oldest, oldest child, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, still, trying, younger, youngest, youngest child

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WeChat this month:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

44 shares on Twitch this month:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

11 shares on Discord this month:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,682

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Making waves on TikTok:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Trending via Twitch:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Just landed via Reddit:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

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