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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Spotted on X:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Going viral on Twitch:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Trending via Facebook:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Just shared via YouTube:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Making waves on Telegram:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about how we casually accept a meat tentacle in our mouth.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Isn't it bizarre how we nonchalantly house a meaty tentacle in our mouths? 🦑 It's like having a strange, unsuspecting roommate who loves to taste-test everything before we do. 🤪 Maybe we should throw a tiny welcome party for our tongue next time! 🎉 #MeatTentacleLife"

absurdity, acceptance, humor, inside, just, living, meat, mouth, normal, tentacle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

82 shares on X this month:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,354

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Just landed via X:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Trending via Instagram:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Live now on Twitch:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Breaking via TikTok:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Live now on Instagram:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Going bananas on Threads:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

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