Commentary:
Wine: the stealthy ninja of self-confidence ☺️🍷✨
1648 Funny just quotes
The problem is I really do love staying up until one billion o’clock. It just can’t be helped.
Commentary:
Trying to set a new world record for the latest bedtime ⏰😴🌕
I’m watching Lord of the Rings, and all I can think about is how the horses wouldn’t have known they were featuring in a film, and how they must have gone home each day and thought, WTF just happened.
Commentary:
When the horses went home, they were all like, "Did you get paid in carrots too, or did just neighbody pay us?" 🐴🎬😂
Got kicked off Odysseus’s boat for saying, “Sooo THAT just happened,” after every island.
Commentary:
When the sirens' song isn't the most annoying thing on the ship 🎶🙉
Sometimes I want to socialise, but I don’t want to talk. I just want to be around, like a cat.
Commentary:
Purr-fectly feeling this! 🐱🤫 Just let me silently judge from the corner. 🛋️😸
This planet is so boring. No aliens, dragons, or giants. Just dumb people and bills.
Commentary:
Earth: the only place where we pay to see dragons and wizards on screens instead of meeting them in real life 😂🧙♂️👽📺
So nobody can come up with counterfeit cars? I really don’t mind driving a Lambogigi Urusco or a Ranger Rovovo. I should just be able to afford it.
Commentary:
Driving a "Ranger Rovovo": for when you want luxury, but your wallet says "let's get creative" 😂🚗💸
That moment when you’re coughing in public and you’ve reached the appropriate social cough limit, now you just have to hold it in and choke to death.
Commentary:
Trying to casually suppress my cough like I'm a ninja on a secret mission 🤐😅💨👀
Re-reading the email I sent just to admire my own professionalism.
Commentary:
When your email game is so strong, you almost ask it for an autograph 📧🔥😂
All this shit just to die on a random day.
Commentary:
"All this effort just to exit stage left on a Tuesday 🕺➡️💨"