Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Just landed via Reddit:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Trending via Reddit:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Just shared via TikTok:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Making waves on Telegram:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Just landed via YouTube:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

We decided to have money instead of children.

4 weeks ago

Humorous text about choosing wealth over children, playful and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, who needs sleepless nights and dirty diapers when you can have a sparkling clean bank account and a fancy vacation home in the Bahamas instead? Money talks, and apparently, it convinced this couple to invest in themselves rather than in diapers!"

children, decision, humor, lifestyle, money, parenting, priorities

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Reddit this month:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

74 shares on Discord this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

86 shares on X this month:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

20 shares on Threads this month:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,769

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Spotted on TikTok:

Long story short, I survived.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Just landed via X:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Seen just now on Slack:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

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