68 funny children quotes - Wordgag

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

May 30, 2026

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

May 30, 2026

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

May 30, 2026

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

May 29, 2026

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

May 29, 2026

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

May 29, 2026

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

May 28, 2026

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

May 28, 2026

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

May 28, 2026

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

May 27, 2026

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

May 27, 2026

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

May 27, 2026

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

May 27, 2026

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

May 27, 2026

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

May 27, 2026

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

May 26, 2026

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

May 26, 2026

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

May 25, 2026

We decided to have money instead of children.

May 25, 2026

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

May 25, 2026

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

May 25, 2026

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

May 25, 2026

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

May 25, 2026

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

May 25, 2026

Alexa, mute my children.

May 24, 2026

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

May 24, 2026

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

May 24, 2026

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

May 24, 2026

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

May 24, 2026

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

May 23, 2026

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

May 23, 2026

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

May 23, 2026

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

May 23, 2026

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

May 23, 2026

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

May 23, 2026

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

May 23, 2026

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

May 23, 2026

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

May 23, 2026

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

May 23, 2026

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

May 22, 2026