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New funny quotes: 9099 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 25, 2026

 

 

 

 

148 Funny decision quotes

Funny decision quotes dive into the chaos, overthinking, and snap judgments that turn everyday choices into comedy gold! 😂🤔 Whether it’s choosing pizza over salad (again), hitting “send” too soon, or second-guessing everything — these quotes remind us that decision-making isn’t just tough, it’s downright hilarious. Because sometimes, the wrong choice makes the best story! 😆📉🍕

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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