Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Trending via YouTube:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Going viral on Discord:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Breaking via Twitch:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Just landed via X:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That’s brilliant! I've redefined chilling in my fluffy socks and blanket fort! 🧦🏠❄️

avoid, cold, hack, house, leaving, never, staying, staying in, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, awkwardness, fact, fun, fun fact, humor, i, introvert, myself, ocean, people, self-deprecation, social, social anxiety, tell, walk
Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

0

2 months ago

1, activity, beach, enjoying, enjoyment, fun, fun activity, getting, going, humor, preparation, ready
I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

0

2 weeks ago

able, complaint, eat, eating, food, huge, humor, hunger, i, meal, month, shit, should, snake, sucks
Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, every, family, food, funny thought, grape, hear, humor, humor about food, imagination, imagine, soft, son, thought, time, voice, whisper
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

0

2 months ago

crown, humor, inside, motivation, pineapple, positivity, self-confidence, stand, stand tall, sweet, tall, wear, wear crown
Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

0

3 months ago

dating, humor, love, relationship, sarcasm, someone, stripper, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

23 shares on Slack this month:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

82 shares on X this month:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

88 shares on Discord this month:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Just shared via Telegram:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Making waves on Messenger:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Trending via Messenger:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Going viral on Threads:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨