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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

462 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

I’ve never found a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.

Posted onJun 2, 2026Jun 2, 2026

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Posted onMay 30, 2026

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Never did learn what the knights in white sat in.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Always the drunk texter, never the drunk textee.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Will probably never be loved, but I have to send emails, so I can’t really think about that right now.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

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