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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Spotted on Slack:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via YouTube:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Just landed via Discord:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Shared recently on Discord:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

5 days ago

Funny quote about rising Netflix prices with a playful, chill vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, Netflix, the ultimate relationship test for "chill" partners. 📺💰 When the subscription price goes up, so does the commitment level! 😂 Looks like it's time to redefine what "Netflix and chill" means in the budgeting dictionary. 💸🛋️ #NetflixAndBudgets

another, chilling, comedy, entertainment, guess, humor, increase, Netflix, only, price, price increase, streaming, subscription

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Messenger this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

61 shares on Threads this month:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

63 shares on Slack this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

78 shares on Slack this month:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Just shared via Slack:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Making waves on Threads:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Breaking via Facebook:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Going bananas on X:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

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