Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.
  • I embarrass myself in front of myself.
  • The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.
  • Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.
  • Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.
  • When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.