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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,963

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Friends with consequences.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Going viral on Facebook:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Seen just now on X:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Just shared via Threads:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess the programmers forgot to patch the bugs in this version! 🤖🕹️🙃

complaint, digital, digital life, frustration, humor, life, simulation, sucks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

1 month ago

40, age, clothes, couch, display, fashion, humor, laying, mannequin, over, over 40, people, should, stores, want
We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

1 month ago

absurdity, entitlement, humor, jets, military, paid, payment, satire, should, stuff, take, tanks, want, whenever
Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

1 month ago

40s, ability, aging, bones, changes, cracking, humor, life, life changes, sneaky, walk, walking, welcome
This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

1 month ago

being, commentary, decent, decent human, existential, existential humor, history, horrible, horrible time, human, humor, irony, social, social commentary, time
If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

1 month ago

argument, attitude, back, comebacks, conversation, even, humor, i, insult, nice, nothing, promise, remark, sarcasm, say, something, witty, witty remark, worse
My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

2 months ago

2007, age, born, email, emails, humor, i, intern, millennial, office, older, technology, unread, unread email, year

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Trending via TikTok:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Breaking via YouTube:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Just shared via Slack:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

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As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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